Journeys take us to a place unknown. My spiritual journey has brought me to a place within.
My spirituality comes from within.
As a very young girl, I always found myself following the rules. Even when my head wanted to rebel, I still found myself going to church, confessing my sins, and never truly feeling like I was living the way I should.
I always wanted to have a relationship with God, but I never really knew what that relationship was supposed to look like. I did however, know what kind of relationship I wanted in life. Looking to my grandparents as an example, I searched for a partner I could do life with. Insert my husband and fellow Epoch Podcaster/Blogger, Matt.
While I had a developing marriage, I still struggled to place God into my everyday life. I would pray, go to church, attend Bible studies, lead Bible studies, start a church, close a church, and yet God seemed not there. Or maybe I wasn’t there.
Meeting the Epoch crew definitely changed my perspective on God, how the world works, and most importantly – how I relate to others. Through Austin’s teachings, which have grown into New Age Christianity, I grew to understand that I am a 3-part being, capable of amazing things. Jesus wasn’t lying in John 14:12 when he said, “the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do.”
Jesus was talking about us (he and she) doing miracles like him and more. I used to read this with discouragement from a place of lacking. I now read it as a promise. Something that’s manifesting in my life very quickly.
Before one can begin changing water into wine and other awesome miracles, one has to make a choice. A choice that says, I believe Jesus and I believe that I am love. Love is the life source of all things.
Things done through love flourish. Things done without love fall flat. The satisfaction is either not there or it is short-lived.
Love God and love people. Do you know that God resides in you, so you have to start with loving yourself first? When you truly love yourself then you can fully love others.
Enough of my soapbox, back to my personal spiritual journey…
When raising children, parents set daily goals, like the child needs to be dressed. When the child begins developing cognitive skills, parents will give the child a choice, “Do you want to wear the red shirt or blue shirt?” Parents still achieve their goal (a clothed child) and the child experiences freedom of choice. As the child grows older, they become more independent in their choices, what to eat for lunch, how to spend their money, where to go to college and what profession to study.
Eventually, if all is done properly, their child will grow up to become a functioning adult who doesn’t consult their parents for every life decision. While this is a truth for human development, it is not truth when it comes to spirituality.
In the church world we go to church, hear the message, “I am a sinner, unworthy of a holy God, and I must beg for forgiveness, and repent.” This message is okay the first time, but so often the message never evolves.
I have attended too many services and too many churches, and have never heard anything more than this. I do not see Christians, as a whole, stepping past the pastor and independently making spiritual choices for themselves.
It is for this reason I have stopped going to church on a regular basis. While I still believe in the teachings of the Bible, I do not connect with the modern church, and if you were to ask me if I was a Christian, I would probably say no.
I practice spirituality in a very intentional and meaningful way, but that way does not look like going to a building every Sunday. I do however meet with like-minded believers via internet and talk about current events, things we’ve learned, and life experiences (see here and here for more details).
The phrase, “Thoughts and prayers,” used to drive me crazy. I am the type of person that says what I mean and means what I say. So it was really hard for me to say I was praying for someone when I knew I wasn’t going to. Prayer has evolved greatly for me. It has evolved from the Lord’s prayer, to “please give me” prayers, to more of a meditation/imagination session paired with asking questions.
My communication style with God is to ask questions and wait for an answer. Sometimes the answer comes in a feeling, other times it’s through a song, book page, or a friend. Through my writing, I receive a lot of answers. I used to think I was crazy for the ideas that came through my head, but the more I write the words, the more confident I am that He is speaking through me, to me.
It is because of this process I always end my posts
From Grace, Truth, and Love I write…
Here’s a penny for you to think on.
I’ll paint the picture,
You envision the beauty within.
No one is flying to the next life,
Without tasting the pleasures of this life.
You can be anyone you want to be, so be awesome.
Jumping back and forth will get you nowhere.
Talk to the spirit that resides within.
Hold on to your dream, dreamer.
No one knows you more than you.
You’ll find your truth in the fractures of time.
Your foundation was set before you were.
You aren’t going anywhere, so dream on.
How do you hear a voice that is inaudible?
How does anyone really know without knowing?
Don’t be blinded by science.
The stars will always shine bright
In this life and beyond.
Death is the space between time and matter.
Do not fear the unseen.
You will understand in due time.
Don’t lose yourself in the misunderstanding.
You will find your way, others will follow.
That is what you were destined to do.
You illuminate your kingdom, so others can build-
A community prepared for an age ready for change.